Beware Of Chicken

Everybody had been slobbered on at least once. Xiulan seemed to find it downright endearing when Little D chewed aggressively on the ends of her hair, giggling as she tickled him.

He was dozing on a pillow in the living room right now, his stomach full of his momma’s milk, with a contented look on his face. The birds were chirping. The sun was shining.

It was a beautiful day.

The sliding door that led to outside was wrenched open with a bang. I turned, just in time to catch an eyeful of a woman strutting through the entryway, her hips rolling from side to side.

“Shifu! Master Jin! Tigu!” the woman sang in a melodious voice as she marched through the entrance.

Buck naked, and with a massive grin on her face.

Long, silky white hair. A heart shaped face. Brilliant blue eyes. Little round eyebrows that reminded me of a certain ass-pull final boss from a show about ninjas who screamed believe it. Smooth, creamy skin and legs that went on forever—what would most assuredly be described as a Jade Beauty in this world.

I took it all in in an instant, then looked pointedly away as the beautiful woman, who definitely rivaled Xiulan in the looks department, made a beeline for Noodle. The snake stared at her with shock.

Gou and Yun also managed to look away— as did Delun, bless the kid’s soul. Gramps, Rags, and Loud Boy had no problems staring, however, as the woman snuggled the shell-shocked snake to her bosom.

“Shifu! You’re so small! Worry not, your disciple will always take care of you!”

I was now two for two on seeing naked Spirit Beasts after their transformation. But while Tigu was… Tigu’er to me, Yin—and this could only be Yin—was definitely a woman.

“You managed it! Haha! As expected of my Junior Sister!” Tigu exclaimed, nodding her head.

“Yes! It did not involve lightning, but it worked!” Yin said, swapping targets. She beamed as she high fived Tigu.

“Excellent job, Junior Sister! But… why did you choose such an uninteresting body?! Where are your muscles?” Tigu’s voice was completely aghast.

“Oh! Right here, just gotta flex a bit—”

‘Yin.’ Noodle managed to get out,staring in shocked wonder at his disciple..

“Yes, Shifu!” Yin shouted, her eyes gleaming.

‘Clothes,’ the snake demanded in a strangled voice.

Yin blinked, looked down at herself… and then at her audience. Her eyes focused on Loud Boy and Rags’s blatant staring.

“The fuck you two assholes lookin’ at?” Yin’s sweet voice inquired.

The fantastical was rather old hat by now. It had been utterly astonishing when Tigu had transformed. Yin, while a surprise, wasn’t as shocking. It had happened before, but I wish she had given us at least a hint. There had been that conversation, but… never mind. In retrospect, I really should’ve seen this coming.

She had ended up borrowing some clothes from Xianghua, who was the closest in body type, and then she had frowned at her long flowing hair and asked for some help with it.

Biyu had immediately volunteered, gushing about how silky and smooth the strands of hair were. Then, through some cosmic twist of fate, the girl had done two big round buns on either side of Yin’s head.

Nobody knew why I had to excuse myself from laughing so hard. Yin wasn’t sure she would keep the hairstyle either, but it seemed to work for now.

Rizzo had then put her through a battery of tests, but like Tigu, there was nothing wrong with her. She was even better at changing back than the cat. She would just… pop, and then there would be a rabbit again.

That had been a couple of hours ago, and the initial explosion of shock and interest had died down. Now, it was business as usual. Yin was a human now, when she wanted to be—and that was really all there was to it.

I yawned, and walked up a hill in the back, a pot in my hand.

“Tea?” I asked Gramps as I settled down beside him.

The old man nodded. “Thank you, my boy.”

There was an explosion of heat and light that blew my hair back a bit, even from far away. A woman, clad in armor of burning gold, clashed with a shorter girl with orange hair.

“Oi, oi, oi! You bastard! Is this it?! Put your damn back into it!” Yin’s beautiful voice spat cusses like water—and I had to admit it was pretty funny the discrepancy between beautiful, demure noble lady… and Yin’s foul mouth.

‘Language!’ Noodle tried in vain.

“Junior Sister, you are getting entirely too cheeky! Allow your Senior to educate you!” Tigu shouted with glee.

While the sun armor on a rabbit had looked just ever so slightly strange, on her human form the massive gauntlets, cloth regalia, and sheer aggression Yin displayed made it downright intimidating. Especially since the main change seemed to be that unlike Tigu, who had simply gained a longer reach, Yin had gotten a lot physically stronger.

Hell, all of the cultivators were going at it. Xiulan and Xianghua were off further, Xiulan with a fan in one hand and her sword in the other while Xianghua battered against her. The sword wielding woman had what looked like horns made of mist growing out of her head, and her gauntleted arm looked… almost alive and covered in draconic scales. Her blade glowed cherry red from the heat of her furnace, which belched out steam, and with a crack of thunder, storm clouds.

“So, what did you want to talk about?” I asked, as Gou Ren clashed against Delun.

“There is one last matter to attend to, before I depart.” The old man’s voice was mild as he spoke. “I have postponed it long enough. You must decide the fate of the Young Master of the Cloudy Sword Sect.”

“… what? Who?” I asked, confused.

Gramps turned to me, his eyebrow raised. “The one who injured you. As it is, the worm is within the holding cells of the Cloudy Sword Sect; his cultivation has been shattered and sealed for his crimes against you and the other disciples of the Sect. You shall decide his punishment.”

I paused at the statement, and how he spoke it. Like he was talking about what to eat for dinner that night. It was, well, it sure was something to suddenly spring on somebody this early in the morning. Hey, we have a criminal, decide what to do with him. Especially with how casual Gramp’s voice was.

And I had read enough Xianxia stores to know the sorts of punishments people like that gave. Out by the roots. Families slaughtered. It made my good mood evaporate like the morning fog.

“How would the Cloudy Sword Sect normally punish him?” I asked, stalling a bit.

“According to the will of the Founders, he would be lashed ten times by each of the Sect’s disciples. His head would be shaved bald. He would be stripped of his surname, then be put to death. He will be allowed to take his own life, if he has any honour left… If he failed at that he would be beheaded. All of his wealth would be given to the families he has wronged.”

It was a brutal, cruel punishment, but it was standard for these times. “… families?”

Gramps yawned and scratched his ass, leaning over onto his side. “Mm. He killed another disciple and covered it up,” the old man said, watching me out of the corner of his eye.

A small part of me knee-jerked to “life imprisonment”. It was what we did in the Before. The death penalty had been outlawed for a while. But this wasn’t the Before. I had given over bandits to the authorities, knowing they would be executed or worked to death in the mines. I had killed Zang Li myself, when he went after Xiulan.

I didn’t want to be the person to make these decisions. I did not want to be the steely eyed cultivator putting millions to the sword for the sake of my ego and pride.

“You know, I don’t even know his name,” I said after a moment. “And I have no desire to learn it.”

Gramps kept staring.

The lesser of two evils was still evil… but… what would I have to gain from defending this man? Would he turn over a new leaf because I helped him out, or would he remain with a grudge forever?

He had killed me.

And while I might be the forgiving sort, even I had my limits.

“I will trust the Cloudy Sword Sect to clear this stain upon their honour.” My voice came out cold and hard. “They tried to make amends already. Let this be what convinces me of their sincerity.”

“Oh? Not going to do anything yourself?” Gramps asked curiously.

“Why would I do that? Quite frankly, he isn’t worth any time out of my day coming up with anything to punish him with. Torture him for a thousand years and let him have a thousand years of my time? Some other resource intensive method that would prolong his suffering? A waste. I don’t even think he's fit to be fertilizer. I don’t care about his life, and I don’t care about his death. I have things to do—like making a new field, or knitting a hat.”

There was a bit more contempt than I had been expecting in my voice. Sure, there would have been satisfaction in his death. There was a little dark voice inside me telling me to go anyway and watch. I ignored it, though. If he laid down some mystical fate grudge or something in his last breath, I didn’t want to be there, and I wasn’t going to be the one who killed him.

Gramps looked at me, before chuckling. “So worthless you don’t even want his name! It's a good choice. Not the one I would make, but Brother Ge will appreciate the Face you've given him.” The old man got up and stretched. “Well, enough about the nameless brat! Those Juniors over there are having much too much fun, and you said you wanted more training.”

He went from too casual to smiling brightly, after we had just discussed some guy getting executed. I got the distinct feeling I had passed some sort of test, as he clapped me on the back. Taking a deep breath, I pushed the angry thoughts away. In the end… sometimes the world just sucked.

I wasn’t the perfect hero who resolved to fix it. I wouldn’t mourn the man who had killed me… but I wouldn’t celebrate his death either.

“Oh right! I have a recipe for some Dandanmian from a noodle shop for you. They offered to host us at any time for a drink. We’ll need to go sometime!”

“Really?” I asked.

My mood was a sour one as we traded blows. But as I looked on, at Big D, at Xiulan, Tigu and the rest… I felt a bit lighter.

I may not be the perfect hero to fix things— but there were some people here who had something to say about the state of the world.

That night we had Dandanmian. It was a really good recipe.