She's My Sleeping Pill

Even until they reached their home, she was restless and couldn’t sit still. Because of this, Stefan started to worry again. He didn’t mean to cause this. He thought that she deserves to know the truth and she will eventually know it. He thought it would be better if the news will come from him. And now, he regretted telling her.

Sensing her husband’s change in emotion, Cayenne turned to look at him and smiled. “I’ll be fine. I just need some time to think. I’ll do some cleaning and get rid of my negative thoughts along with the trash. Can you cook for dinner?”

Stefan was hesitant to leave her alone but he understood that she really needed space with all the things that has been happening. Reluctantly, he nodded his head and walked directly to the kitchen. Lucia was there, checking the ingredients in their fridge.

After changing her clothes to cotton shorts and t-shirt, Cayenne started cleaning their bedroom first. The gifts that they received last Christmas were unopened so she placed all of them on the bed so she can open them after dinner with Stefan. She dusted off her shelves, vacuumed the floor and even scrubbed the toilet bowl. She was so focused in cleaning that she has forgotten the purpose of it. She was supposed to think but she didn’t. She was just happy cleaning their bedroom and the bathroom.

Not contented yet, she brought the feather duster and the vacuum to the study room and started cleaning again. She sorted her books and school materials, arranged them on top of her study table and she placed some of them inside her drawer.

When she got to Stefan’s space, she paused and pondered if she should touch the documents. She wasn’t sure if he sorted it already or if he has read them, and she knew how annoying it could be when someone messes up your work. “Let’s leave the documents as is.” She dusted off the table and returned the documents to where he placed them and arranged the other items instead.

.....

Cayenne was happily cleaning when she noticed some papers under Stefan’s table. She wasn’t a fashion design student but she could tell that Stefan was drawing a dress. The outline was made of rough and bold strokes which really speaks for his personality but there were soft touches here and there that she could see as well. It was a long dress but she couldn’t tell it was a wedding dress. After all, those were Stefan’s initial sketches before he perfected the design he had in mind with the help of the famous designer that he hired.

“Did he draw this dress for me? How come I never received a dress with this kind of design?” She thought of the things she received from him but this dress wasn’t included. Taking a scotch tape out, she plastered the drawing on his table and placed a note. [I’ll draw a suit for you to match this. When will I see this dress?] Satisfied with the note, she continued cleaning while humming to one of BTS songs.

She had no idea that she won’t see the dress until the day of her wedding.

***

At 7:00 in the evening, Elia was sitting on her hospital bed while looking outside the window of her room. She couldn’t see the starlit sky because of the tall skyscrapers surrounding the hospital building and this fact was added to the gloomy atmosphere in her room. Although she was thankful that she got another chance to live her life, she was also sad and regretful.

“Lia.” Xian called out at the door when he peeked inside and saw her. Elia only looked at him for a few seconds without changing her expression before shifting her gaze back to the view outside the window. “It’s getting colder. Let me close the window.” Even after closing the window, she didn’t say a single word to him. “Can we talk?”

Elia snapped back and glared. “You are already talking. What else do you need?”

“I...” Xian was at loss for words. He knew he has little time before her mother gets back from buying some food but, he didn’t know where to begin. His thoughts were messy and he was also afraid. His hands were even shaking on his side. “I’m sorry.”

Elia’s gaze turned cold which stunned him and his heart dropped on the cold floor. The hope he wanted to see wasn’t present in her eyes. He could not see an ounce of love from her gaze. She has given up on him.

“Lia, I am sorry. I can’t remember anything in the – ”

“Well, I remember everything from the moment you have chosen to stand beside her and ignore me! Shall I recall everything to you?” Her voice was dripping cold even though she was expressionless in front of him. It would have been better if she looked at him coldly like earlier because he knew she was looking at him. But this time, she lost the light in her eyes. It was as if, she was looking at someone dead.

To her surprise, Xian got down on his knees. She didn’t expect him to lower himself to this point in front of her. She finally stopped treating him coldly and sighed. “There’s no point kneeling in front of me.”

“Elia, please. I’m begging you. I was tricked. I don’t know how it happened...it’s...I woke up one day and I started hating you. There’s someone in my head, telling me to hate you. My protective instinct would kick in but I suddenly found myself protecting someone else. There were lapses in my memories and I can’t explain why I was following that woman.”

“Tsk! Are you blaming amnesia for what happened to us?! Let me tell you, you never got into accident. How can you have amnesia when there was no damage in your brain?! I even asked someone to trick you into getting MRI but they didn’t find anything! You better create some believable lies.”

“But I’m not lying!” Xian yelled but Elia’s face darkened instantly which calmed him down in regret. “Lia, I’m not lying. I don’t know how to make you believe me but every time she shows up, my attention will be taken by her and someone keeps telling me to hate you. Someone’s telling me that you are hurting my girlfriend no matter how much I think, the person who comes to my mind was her.”

Elia closed her eyes before she’d get the strength to hit him because right now, she really wanted to hit him until he’s crippled. “Xian, what is it that you want from me? If you want us to get back together then, I’m telling you no. You may have forgotten what happened but I remember them.” The tears that she had been trying stop from falling were now rolling down her face. The painful memories flooded her brain and she felt her heart being squeezed tightly. “The pain I experienced was real. The hate in your eyes when you looked at me; they were real. The times you pushed me away, you scolded me and cursed me – they were all real. Even if you were tricked, didn’t you ask yourself why people talked about you and me? Did you ever wonder why some people asked you about us? Why didn’t you try looking for answers? You glued yourself to her side instead of finding the truth of the messy relationship between you, me and that woman. You never tried.”

Xian pursed his lips helplessly. He couldn’t even remember most of the events. How could he know if he ever tried or not? How can he explain everything when he couldn’t understand how things happened? How was he going to prove to her that he was tricked by something that he couldn’t really describe?

Xian stood up and smiled sadly at her. He wanted to clear everything but he needed to have evidence to prove his claim. He knew that she’d only hate him even more if he continued to force himself on her. “I’ll find evidence and unveil the truth. When I get the answer, even if you don’t want us to be together, I hope you can forgive me. We don’t have to be friends by then. I just want to earn your forgiveness after all the things that I did. And even if you won’t forgive me, it’s also fine. I just want you to know that I am not lying.”

Amethyst was standing outside the room, listening to the conversation but when she saw that Xian was coming out, she ran to another direction and hide herself. [Something that would make you obey someone against your will? Does that exist?]