She's My Sleeping Pill

“Jess, I’ll go downtown this afternoon to get some supplies for my drawings. Can you drive for me?”

“Sure. I’d like to get more groceries for us. Do you like to eat something? I can get them for you.”

“Donuts.”

“Sweets again.”

“Alright. Just get me one.”

Monet went to her room to change her clothes and Jess went to the kitchen to check their groceries. Baguio is a lot colder during the Christmas season and it fogs almost every day. They had to schedule their trips wisely to avoid getting into accidents because of the thick fog.

Currently, Thomas was sitting inside a cafe. He was chatting with another tourist that he met while looking for Monet.

“I don’t understand,” the woman said while looking at the picture of Monet that Thomas showed to her “You are desperately looking for her but you are not even lovers. I’m pretty sure she’s not your sister either.”

.....

“I don’t know. I just wanted to confirm something.”

“Did you know that, if a person purposely hides from you, it wouldn’t be easy to find her?”

“I know. It’s been over five months since she left.”

“Well, I’m not sure if the person I know is talking about the same woman that you are looking for. I have this friend who lives a little bit far from here and she said that a famous person moved into their neighborhood. She hasn’t seen her face, though. Ah! Is your friend pregnant?”

“Pre-pregnant? No. No, she’s not.”

“Oh, then it isn’t her.”

The hope that Thomas felt came crashing down on him when the woman said those words to him. He was really looking forward to meeting that person, just by any chance it was Monet, but how could she be pregnant? It can’t be her.

“Wait! Isn’t that her?”

Thomas looked outside where the woman was pointing her fingers and sure enough, the woman who came out of the car was Monet.

“You said she’s not pregnant.”

He had never experienced having a cold bucket of water poured on him yet, right this instant he felt really cold and shocked. He could not move or even open his mouth to say something because right now, the Monet he knew was standing 15 meters across the cafe with a big belly. She was pregnant.

“Aren’t you going to see her?”

The question pulled him back to reality and he felt defeated. All this time, he thought that if he ever meets her again, if he was given a second chance, he would confess to her. He wanted to risk their friendship just for the chance of spending the rest of his life with him.

[What a joke!] Thomas thought as he stood up and left the cafe. The woman could only look at him with sympathetic eyes. When she was talking to him, she had been observing his expression and his eyes. It was obvious that he loves her but was confused as well. Now, he didn’t have the chance to make that love bloom. As she could see, the woman probably left the industry because she got married and was expecting a child on the way.

“Can I have another apple pie?” She told the waitress and just stayed there. It wasn’t her problem and she didn’t intend to get herself involved.

Monet walked slowly beside her assistant and the two of them chatted about the baby’s name. In four months, she’ll give birth to her baby but she hasn’t thought of the name yet.

“Don’t you want to name him after the father?”

“Are you crazy?!” Monet shrieked which caused Jess to laugh at her. “How could you ask that? Do you want me to shout to the world that he’s the father? I’m already getting worried that he would look a lot like him.”

“I think he’ll be a sissy like you.”

“Who cares? I will love my child no matter his gender. He’s my flesh and blood. I worked so hard just to have him in this life.”

“Worked so hard? What exactly happened? I mean, I don’t the details but how did you guys get the time to make this? It was never in your schedule to meet him alone.”

“Monet.”

The two women froze. Monet was trembling and Jess could see that. She really wondered what happened that caused the woman to hide and fear the presence of Thomas Aizenberg.

Thomas was actually stalking them and some people were already worried about what he was doing. Someone even called the police. Who wouldn’t be bothered when he was following two helpless women with his half-covered face? But when he came out to face the two women, the townfolks who were alert for whatever might happen relaxed because they seemed to know each other. Nonetheless, they paid attention just in case he would do something bad.

“I finally found you,” Thomas said while taking off his mask and slowly approached the woman who had her back on him. “I didn’t know you got married. I would have stopped looking if I knew. I thought something bad happened.”

Monet willed herself not to cry and keep her pretentious act of being a strong woman. So, what if he thinks that way? She’s fine. If he thought she got married, so be it. It’s better than the truth. She would rather lie than let him know of her selfishness.

“Yeah,” Monet said and turned around. “I can’t show him to the public because of his identity. We had a private wedding and since I love the Philippines, I decided to buy a lot here and designed a house with his help.”

“Isn’t he with you? Why are you alone with Jess? And also, you have to wear warm gloves. It’s getting colder at this time of the year.” Thomas took Monet’s hand and gave her the gloves that he was wearing earlier. “Keep yourself warm especially now that you have a baby inside you. I really wish to see the man who took you away from me.”

“Ah?”

“Don’t worry. I won’t tell anyone about your secret.” Thomas, for the last time, raised his hand and rubbed the woman’s head. “I wish you happiness.” [Even if I can’t be the reason for that.] “Also, I visited your family. It was actually funny because they thought I’d be asking them for your hand in marriage.”

“My parents?”

“Uh-huh. I can’t believe you even kept this from them. At least tell them you are married so that they won’t expect anything from me.”

“Why would they say that now?” Monet muttered but when she looked up, Thomas already took several steps back away from her. “Where are you going?”

“Now that I see you’re doing well, I can finally rest my heart. I’m going home. Just give me a call if your husband mistreats you. I will give him a punch that would stay in his mind for the rest of his life.”

“Thomas. I – ” [Tell him, idiot! Just say it!] She could hear the widening cracks of her heart and when it finally broke into pieces, Monet only smiled at him. “I am happy to see you as well. I wish you happiness from the bottom of my heart.” [I have no regrets even if I won’t be able to see you again.]

Thomas grinned and nodded his head but when he turned around and put on his mask again, he let herself cry for the first time in a while now. He has forgotten the pain of losing someone since his father died ten years ago. He never thought that losing her in this lifetime would be more painful to him.

“Why?!” Jess shouted angrily because she couldn’t take it anymore. Even though she has nothing to do with it, she couldn’t stop herself from bursting into tears. “Why do you have to lie?! Yeah! You wish each other happiness but you are dying deep inside! Why?!”

“Jess, please. I’m begging you.”

“Why can’t you tell him the truth? Miss Monet, did you really think I wouldn’t know? You have been looking at his picture every night, the one you slipped into your pregnancy book. If you really love him, why won’t you say how exactly you feel?!”

“Because I’m not! Jess, I’m begging you. Please stop this. I’m not the woman he likes. Stop hurting me. I know that for a very long time”

“What do you mean?” Thomas looked back and his chest tightened when he saw her crying while begging her assistant to stop. “Jess, what do you know?”

“Miss Monet.”

“I’m sorry.” Monet walked away and hailed the taxi to stop in front of her.

“Are you going to escape again? Your cowardice won’t bring you happiness.”

“It’s better than the painful truth,” Monet said without looking back at them. She got into the taxi and was about to close it when Thomas got inside using the other door.

“Let’s go.”

“No!”

“Don’t cause a scene. You will frighten the driver.” Thomas said as he removed his face mask and covered his face with his big hands. “Monet, was she telling the truth?”

“No!”

“Why would she say that you are lying?”

“Because she thought that I like you.”

“And you don’t?”

“No.”

“What about the picture she was talking about?”

“It was a photo of us four. Travis and Stefan were also in that picture. I wasn’t looking at you. I was looking at all of you because I was guilty of leaving without saying a word to them.”

“And your husband?”

“He left for work.”

Thomas didn’t know if he should get angry at this moment or commend her for her lying skills. She already have answers for all the questions he threw at her even though they were all false.

“I like you. I never realized it until you left. I was -” Monet narrowed her eyes at him during his confession. He chose this moment because the car stopped for a second because there was a loaded truck in front of them making a U-turn. “Monet, please hear me out.”

Instead of listening to him, Monet pulled Thomas and moved to his side of the car without saying anything. The event was so fast that he wasn’t able to think of his next course of action. In the blink of an eye, Monet was covering him as her blood continued to drip on him.