She's My Sleeping Pill

“What now?!” Monet snapped with those glares containing sharp daggers. “There. I’ve said it. Have you come to realize what kind of woman I am? Good. Then, leave me alone and don’t show up in front of me anymore. I feel worse when I’m with you!”

“That...I...- ”

“Just go away! Why can’t you just – ”

“Have you ever thought that I may have allowed such a thing to happen?”

“That’s impossible!” She shouted with so much anger that she thought she would explode. “Don’t try to make an excuse for me. If you were really aware of what happened, you would have confronted me about it a long time ago.”

“Honestly, I thought it was a dream,” Thomas muttered as he moved closer to her. She wanted him gone? There was no way he’d agree to that. He would cling to her until she changes her mind. He would keep bothering her until she gives them a chance to be together. “I remembered what happened on the night that Cayenne and Stefan visited us. That passionate night is still vivid in my mind but I never thought that it happened for real and no, please don’t think I’m saying this because I am feeling guilty. Perhaps, I am guilty because I let you go and suffer alone but I have no regrets for that night. In fact, I am thankful. It made me realize that I have been taking your presence and love for granted. I realized that I can’t actually live happily without you.”

“Are you done?” Monet mumbled with that cold-dripping tone of her voice. “If you’re done, you can go.”

“Monet, please – ”

.....

“I’m filthy.”

“What?” he asked because he didn’t really hear what she muttered under her breath.

Monet looked at him once again and faintly smiled which struck fear in his heart. He felt that she was going to do something he would regret for the rest of his life. It was a smile that he never wanted to appear on her face. “What are you up to?”

“Thomas, you are so kind. Even though you are the victim here, you still chose to find an excuse so that I wouldn’t feel guilty. I just realized now that you always have my back whenever I felt so pressured from school, from work, and from all other things in the world. I have no regrets about that night either but, I cannot compromise this time. Call me stubborn but I have made up my mind.” she clasped her hands tightly until she could see the red marks on her fingers and continued, “if you really want to start over with me or to erase this guilt I’m feeling, you’ll have to send me to jail.”

“Huh? Are you crazy?! Why would you ask me to do that? No, I don’t agree with this. What rape are you talking about? Nothing like that happened. It was me who forced you that night. You were drunk! You could have remembered it wrong.”

“That or you won’t see us again. Your choice.”

“But Monet! Why are you doing this to me?! Is it so difficult to build a family with me?! Just tell me if you don’t like me. You don’t have to make me do something impossible.”

“That’s all I can say for now. I’m tired of this farce. Leave me alone and think about it. If you can absolve me of my guilt by sending me to jail, I promise we can start over again. Otherwise, I won’t ever stay with you knowing what I have done.”

[God! Why didn’t you erase her memories?!]

Thomas thought it would have been better if she really lost her memories. They could start over again without the burden of their past. If she ever remembers it in the future then, it would be too late for her to escape because he would do everything to make her stay.

Unlike now, Monet was just too stubborn. He could allow her to live her life but he wouldn’t be part of that.

“After what Jess said, I really hoped that you would still have a little ounce of love for me. I wish that you would accept me in your life again and give me a chance to become your husband and a father to our child. I was so na?ve for thinking such a thing would happen. I failed to realize that in those years that we’ve stayed as friends, I’ve been hurting you unconsciously. Monet, you are asking me to do something I couldn’t and you know that. You know that I would never put you in harm’s way again. I could understand that you are feeling guilty for that night, but have you ever thought that I am equally guilty for letting you carry the burden alone? When you chose to sacrifice yourself to save me, I held on to the hope that you still love me and that’s why you did that.” Suddenly, Thomas stood up and bowed deeply in front of her which caused her to sit upright once again. “I’m sorry for hurting you all this time. I’ve done so many things that hurt you and I’m ashamed to say them one by one. And..., and thank you for choosing to carry our child this whole time even though I am only causing you pain. I guess this is the end of our relationship.”

[Ha? What is he saying?]

“Monet, as I’ve said, I cannot do what you asked me. I cannot leave you or send you to jail. I can only end our relationship now. Starting today, forget about Thomas Aizenberg.” Then, he held her hand and pressed a long kiss on the back of it.

She wanted to shake him away, to pull her hand, but she felt the cold drop of tears on her skin which was ironically burning her. She opened her mouth to say something but no words came out and she had to close it again. What happened was perplexing to her and in the blink of an eye, Thomas was gone.

Then, slowly, his words started to sink into her brain and her tears started pouring. If not for her baby’s faint kick inside her stomach, she would probably cry her heart out for the rest of the day again.

‘Creaaakkkk....creaaaakk...’

“Uhh...excuse me...” With her red swollen eyes, Monet looked at the door and she saw him standing there. Not understanding why he was there after he severed their relationship, Monet could only look at him with her tears threatening to fall again.

Thomas was holding a basket of fruits and a bouquet of flowers which puzzled her even more. “Stefan told me to bring you fruits and these flowers are from me,” he said while putting the basket on the table and handed her the flowers “I am not sure if you will like them. By the way, I am Thomas Aizenberg. It’s nice to finally meet you.”

“Thomas.” she mumbled and throw herself at him. She loves him. She still does. She just wanted to deny it because she couldn’t face him anymore.